either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
