When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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