i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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