We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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