So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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