I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
