Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
