I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
