from now on my penis is your penis
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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