I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
