A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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