that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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