6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
