guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
