Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
a search helicopter?!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
