That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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