Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
