your parents love me but you hate me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
