She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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