So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
