So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
