Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
