I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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