need another drink. this is the easiest way
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
