Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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