So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
