you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
