WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
