i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
