I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
