I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Actions speak louder than pants.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
