He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
