the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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