Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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