Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
