So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
