Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
