Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
