Cold hands, warm shart.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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