I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just had sex bonerless
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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