i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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