He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
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