Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
