my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
