Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
