He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
