I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
