He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
