I'm passing your future prison.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
