Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i drank out of a bidet.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
