the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Don't make out with my wife yet
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
