In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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