I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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