i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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