Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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